First things first, I genuinely empathize with you if you have a child that is scared of their own shadow. It is sometimes very painful and traumatic for everyone involved. I know it was for me. This article will show you how to help kindergarteners with anxiety.

My first born daughter has been an anxious child since birth. Seriously, it’s nature people, not nurture. I remember when she was 3, and the teacher at MyGym asked why she shrugged her shoulders all the time. I wanted to answer, “It’s because big people like you scare the living daylights out of her. You’re a giant to her for crap’s sake.” She displayed tics like this from a very young age to control her fear of anything atypical.

Nature, Not Nurture

It didn’t surprise me that I had an anxious child. I come from a long line of people who think the end of the world is tomorrow. To tell you the truth, so does my husband. Our daughter had a snowball’s chance in hell. Her first year of school turned out to be very challenging.

The poor thing peed her pants on numerous occasions because the bathroom was communal, and she was scared another student would look underneath the stall. The teacher noticed the first few times, but then my daughter started to wait until the end of the day and walk out with her pants wet. I, of course, talked to her kind, sweet teacher, and we made a plan that helped.

Child Abuse-Not Really

Fast-forward a month later to a trip to the local grocery with my husband. The eternal joker, he decides to be funny and pick up a 24-roll multi-pack of paper towels and throw it, saying,”Think fast!” while she is running down the aisle of the frozen food section. Not funny; he always learns the hard way.

She went down like a ton of bricks headfirst onto the concrete floor. It wasn’t that bad at first, but later it looked like she had been hit with a baseball thrown by a major leaguer. Her eyes were black and blue and completely swollen. My husband felt guilty for months.

Do you know what I’m leading up to here? Yes, bingo. The next time I saw kind-hearted, young Miss Smith, she unapologetically accused me of child abuse or that is what it sounded like to me.

I really couldn’t blame her. I was a teacher; my daughter had every freaking red flag imaginable. She was extremely introverted, had anxious tics like eye blinking, and she wet her pants every gosh darn day. I would have hauled my ass off too.

So you see, if you have a child ridden with fears and anxiety about kindergarten and life, I feel your pain and the sting of your tears. Those are the students in my class, I take an instant liking too. Here are some tips I learned from my experience with my own beautiful little girl who is now 17 and has blossomed into a confident, young adult. There is hope.

Be a good role model.

This is a tough one. If your child has anxiety, it’s likely that one or more parents suffer too. Anxiety is no joke. It’s debilitating and leads to low self-esteem and self worth. Now, that your child is in school, it is necessary to exhibit confidence and self-assuredness in your interactions with others.

When you are dropping your child off at school or anywhere, it is important to not display any type of hesitation or cause for worry. Kids pick up on their parents’ feelings and actions and react accordingly. I had to be an incredible actress to ensure my socially anxious daughter wouldn’t pick up on mine.

Say hello to people, and try to make friends with the other parents. Show your children how to engage with others by engaging with others. Smile, and be friendly and ask questions about their children. You will find you have a lot in common with the other parents, and this will lead to play dates, which will be highly beneficial for your child.

Pick their activities wisely.

I put my daughter in soccer because I thought she might be good at it. I bought pop up soccer goals, practiced daily with her and signed her up.

Guess what happened? Instead of running towards the ball, she ran away from it. Soccer worked against the purpose of putting her in a social activity. Her fear and anxiety increased instead of lessened. We kept her in for the entire season, which was probably the longest two months of our lives, thinking her anxiety would improve and she would come out of her shell.  That didn’t happen. She retreated like a turtle seeing a pit bull.

At this young age, pick something that genuinely is of interest for your child, and it’s not just because it would be good socially. If your child likes to draw, find art classes at the local community center. Your child is more likely to make friends with others that share the same interests and hobbies. The activity should be one that works with your child’s comfort zone framework. It should gently push the boundaries not blow them to smithereens.

Maintain a good relationship with the teacher.

Sometimes, parents go overboard the first year of school. A message every day might go against rule number one of being a good role model for your child. You don’t want your anxiety over your child’s anxiety to be center stage. Your child’s teacher more than likely will pick up on the anxiety and exhibit sensitivity and concern.

Having a conference and expressing your feelings about the social anxiety your child is experiencing will be a positive step towards creating a comfortable environment. Ultimately the goal for your child is to feel relaxed and at ease in different types of social situations. It’s all about the successful practice of skills related to positive human interaction.

The more welcoming the environment at first, the better. Keep the lines of communication open with the classroom teacher, and ask for suggestions. The teacher will see your child in another setting, and he or she might act differently than what you see at home and be able to provide useful advice. Don’t be afraid to ask, but just don’t ask every minute.

Find a mom friend that has an outgoing child.

Opposites usually do attract. I know all my friends are outgoing and some downright loud. Adults and children with social anxiety tend to not take any chances with extroversion and therefore wait to be approached for friendship. If your child is uncomfortable at school, having a friend who isn’t afraid to greet and communicate with others is helpful in assisting with relationship building.

A good social network can be built and strengthened by riding the coattails of an entertaining friend. This also provides a positive role model for your child as social skills are learned from being around others. I learned a lot from my outgoing friends, and it actually helped me develop self assurance in social situations.

Baby Steps

My daughter has an innate, anxious nature. She has a difficult time dealing with new situations, and social skills did not come easy. Over time, she learned how to become less afraid through taking small steps toward a goal. School plays, presentations, tests, and a new year at school are all as scary to the fearful child as a major operation is for adults.

Try to limit the amount of new situations that happen at one time. Don’t buy a new house around the time that school is starting. When your child is in a play, try not to have out of town visitors stay at your house.

Another idea is to give your child a weekly goal such as raising his or her hand once in the classroom to contribute to a discussion. It’s these small successes that will lead to greater security and less social reluctance.

Children with anxiety are more likely to exhibit temper tantrums at home; their feelings have to  go somewhere. I think this was the hardest part of raising my daughter. She took out her fears on the person she felt most comfortable with, and that lucky person was me. According to an article in Anxiety.Org, the best reaction is no reaction.

Being consistent and ignoring the tantrum will minimize them happening again. Finding a low stress outlet for your child such as coloring, building, exercising or an occasional learning app or even Fortnite can also be positive.

In closing, the best ways to help kindergarteners with anxiety is to  consistently support them in their quest to eliminate irrational fears.  It sometimes is a struggle of epic proportions, and it should be taken seriously. Steps should be taken at this very young age in order to slowly develop the necessary skills to overcome the fear of new situations. The more confident a child becomes, the more easily they will adapt, grow and mature. My anxious kindergarten daughter will be going off to college next year, and I know she will soar in every way possible. I am so proud. 

For a more natural remedy, turmeric has shown to benifit anxiety and depression.